Queer................

Its been a strange day today ….a few wins and yet at the close of the day I feel this sense of loss………I did well today ..sort of saw one of my dreams comin true…or lets not call it a dream ..lets say one of my two second dreams cause it wasn’t a biggie ..it felt good for a minute and then the moment passed ..….

I didn’t know who to call ….P would not be in town …..S busy with harrowing managers and a dozen issues…m …n…… n ……maybe tell them in the evening when I am there…….hey wait a minute my hand reaches for the phone and then no……. no point ..wouldn’t understand ..wouldn’t be there ..wouldn’t care ..after all its my work …….my non required ambition …my problem

So I put the phone down …

i think I really need to get on with things ….definitely need to find that lovin feeling and some sunshine ..my minds craving for some peace …like the head which longs for rest on a cool pillow ……kick off my shoes ..stretch those legs ...throw back my head ….hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

But god who would have thought simple dreams can be so complicated….


My mind wanders ……met the rain man today….like the cloud which almost followed me around to rain me down…yup that’s how I would describe our relationship…why are people u hardly know and possibly welcomed with an open heart let you down. why are they mean & nasty when you in turn have done absolutely nothing to them……can still not figure that out ..what had I done ..did I ask to know them ..to ever be introduced ..to ever talk…..did I ask to be acquaintances or friends …then when I hear a no I wonder of the why??

Why Mr Rain man did you seek me out and rain on my day ……..why when I am not the kind of person who would have ever stepped in your way….why when you had no warmth or friendship to share………………..

Why be the dark cloud which rained on my day …and who’s cruel actions I will never forget ……felt cheated ..felt let down…felt hurt ……felt betrayed ..but ahh I guess that’s life…..

The memories are raw and you push them deep back down so they don’t resurface but heck………..each time we meet will always catch a glimpse of the rain man…………………..