Yawn...its 1000 PM and the weekends soon going to be over...let it not be tomorrow …lord let it not be tomorrow …have not disliked my work with such a vengeance ..uptil now …..Catch myself wishing everyday that I didn’t have to go...That I didn’t belong there …that I had some choice and could actually exercise it …..It is a democratic nation after all….
But as they say you have to be patient and ironically life actually makes you do things that you would rather not sometimes…
Nope don’t get me wrong...Am not one of those people who blame the I ching or forces...just that am currently stuck in one of those routine quagmires that sometimes all of us find ourselves in and know that it would take sometime to find my way out…..i also know that I am not the only one here …am sure there are hundreds of people out there stuck in their own puddles trying to find there way out …
Like I said earlier i would like to start over …would like a fresh beginning...New challenges...New lands to traverse…would want to change what I do for a living .perhaps because I realize that with what I do I would not realize my full potential..
Want to do something creative …universal studios. Paramount here I come. Want to write a book. learn a language …swim…cook some more………live life …build my dream house…still need to decide the place ……
But like always the right choices are always the harder ones….there is a risk that I would fail. One side of me dares me to take the chance …to not succumb to the fear of failure...but the other side tells me that I am earning well. slowly gradually in this job I would rise …rise to earn some more… to be as they say well provided for …and yes that’s a relative terms and I know this job aint making me a millionaire but what about this dream job…where I don’t even know what would my fate be like .. Would I get hired …..Would i be able to make it..What if joining the job makes me loose all my passion and de glamorizes it …what if …
I need to decide ..need to be clear about what i want but then I have always been this way succumbing to what I have in the fear that I would never have another quite like the first again. which but obviously aint true………………
I am as they say a mere mortal …with signs of occasional greatness which somehow in my existence I choose to obliterate by letting people… fears...Society …family …overrule my innermost strongest instinct ……
I need to teach myself to trust my judgment...to move away from self doubt …reflect inside to find happiness, contentment …..to love with an open heart and trust a friend….to live for every moment …and learn from them ……………..
I need to be an adventurer who raises her glass at the end of each day and says ………………La kheim……………………………….
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